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Please stop by to enjoy finance, budgeting and of course football.  Thanks!

To my Sweet Sweet Angel-Samantha, Sam Sam

Samantha my love, my baby, my first kitty.  You are the best and I wanted everything for you.  I wanted you to be happy, healthy and free of pain.  Today was a hard decision, but we knew it was time.  It was time for you to sleep.  Time to be free of pain.  No more pain, no more pills, no more Vet.

Today is your time to be with your big brother George.  To run, and jump and sleep the day away in the sun.  To look over me as I will look to you on more than one occasion, and to be happy once again.  I love you and I will miss you.  Rest in Peace, sweat angel.

I love you so much.

Totally Not Focusing Today

Why is it so hard to focus today!!?

No matter what I try I am just unable to focus on my favorite classes-Business.  I am starting to love all the laws and definitions that are coming up in my business classes, but I still can't focus.  I could chat all day about why the heck isn't Russia doing anything to promote more entrepreneurs since the 90's when they became a democratic nation or why isn't India promoting more entrepreneurs with a nation that has millions of potential clients?  But I can't focus on the note taking part today.

Maybe I had too much drama and my brain just needs to let it out, or maybe I scheduled myself too thin with too many problems.  I guess that is why I started this blog.  To let it all out, to live and not be held back by anyone's idea on who and how I should be, to understand who I am and and to live MY life.  Even if it means walking away from note taking for a moment to do something just for me.  I chose Phone-a-friend ("Who Wants to be a Millionaire", anyone? anyone?).  Maybe some good old venting will help ease my over-scheduled mind.

Anyone else ever over schedule themselves?  How about the procrastinators out there?  Anyone just put off doing what they don't want to do no matter what? Anyone under schedule?

Why does my mom still act like I am some 17 year old that needs to be doing what she wants me to do?

Seriously I am, let's say 30 something, but I look younger.  A lot of people have mistaken me for college age or younger.  It doesn't help that I am in college (for like ever) and have the genes to make me look younger than the average person my age and I have braces, but I digress.

Looking younger does not explain the fact that I have a mother who doesn't talk to me for months (a whole huge can of worms/posts/therapy sessions there) and then decides to focus on one topic in our conversation and call me every week.  This time the focus was on me moving to the state she is presiding in (literately the state she lives in not figuratively like she is crazy).  I mentioned I applied for some job in her area around this summer seeing if there was any bite since I quit my last job.  Boy what a whirlwind that started.

I had talked to her on Saturday and today I get a call at 7:00am in the morning asking me to interview 800+ miles away.  This was a call from a person her roommate works with and needs to fill a position immediately.  Um, some warning would have been nice!  Thank goodness I didn't answer the unknown number because at 7:00 in the morning you do NOT want to speak with me.  I would have probably said sure or WTF or god only knows, because I am not a morning person.  Trust me.

I had also told her I had given up the search for a full-time job and any jobs in other states, because school was upon me.  I had to give up all my fantasies of finding an awesome job with perfect benefits that loved me and adore everything about me (Not really what I was looking for, but hey it's MY fantasy).  I had to sign up for classes and move on.  She obviously missed the point so now not only do I have to call her, I have to call the nice interview lady and say no, deal with the first week of classes, which by the way are never easy (like her have a syllabus and eat cookies, yes another fantasy), plus my appointments, meetings and everything else I started planning once I settled on staying put and moving on.  I know I should be grateful my mother would set up an interview, but when she doesn't call me for months and then adds more stress to my life, it doesn't make me happy.

Does anyone else have the same problem?  Any words of advice?

Dawning of a New Era

Sounds like an awesome title for the first day of school.  I mean it IS the first time I am able to go back to school full-time since I was in high school!

Before today I was taking one or two classes at a time and barely making it.  I always had other emergencies that seemed to take over my whole life at the same moment of a test, huge paper or right at the end of my classes.  Here's to slowing down a bit, and learning how to handle both life and school.

I am currently signed up for 5 classes.  I obviously didn't think ahead and wonder if I SHOULD be doing 5 classes.  I think it's a little overboard since I have only been taking 2 for a long time, but I thought "I can do anything", "I can be the best", and “I am awesome!"  If anyone knows me or if I actually pay attention to myself, you and I both know I look at things half full and think I can do it all.

Then here comes the failure part.  I start out great, but realize I committed too much, didn't start small enough or just feel ill-prepared and fail.  I don't like failing EVER, so I am unsure as to why I set myself up to fail so much.  Maybe the excitement and adrenaline drowns out the thought of failure.  Maybe my competitive side roars and ignores all the signs of failure until they happen.  I am not sure, but I better figure it out before I waste my money on five classes and somewhere down the line I withdraw and end up heartbroken and minus tuition.

Anyone else set themselves up for failure?  Anyone who succeeds at everything and wants to give tips?  Anyone in between and know how to handle both?

Inspiration Friday!

It's inspiration friday! Ha! Just made that up :)  Since I have a lot of preparing for school this weekend (school starts Monday). I thought I would add a little inspiration to my life.

ENJOY!

Live YOUR Life.

I thought blogging was all a waste of time, not yours, but mine.  A waste of thoughts, a waste of resources and most importantly I was not good enough.  My life motto and blog title is to live life or die trying, but I am a big fake.  I have yet to follow or do anything about it.  Yes I have goals, yes I am following them, but what makes that living life. Nothing.  It just means I am going through the motions.

Today I joined a movement called Love Bomb for the first time. You can find more information here.  I thought it would be a good deed, something to make me happy within a few short minutes while helping someone else.  It turned into a feeling of sadness, sorrow, and of deep emotions.  I cried while reading the blog post about the receipients loss, about her recount of love, sadness and remembering the good.  I cried for my life, and I cried just to cry.  I couldn't believe one post would change me, but it did.

I started wondering: why was I waiting to start a blog?  Why was I going through the motions of my life but not truly living it?  So what if no one reads my blog, so what if it fails, because failure is better than never doing it.  I felt like I had been wasting MY time.  I AM good enough and can only get better from this point on.

So here I am pouring my soul out to whomever comes across this: please don't wait, don't wait because of failures inside your head.  Try and keep trying no matter what, because tomorrow may never come.